Today, in a stunning development, Apple released yet even newer than the announced yesterday iPad – the iTotal. The media wrote yesterday, that “Apple is positioning its new tablet computer as something between a laptop and a smartphone.”
Following the nature of Apple, to release products in complete secrecy, the new iPotcomes as a real surprise. It is positioning itself as something between a laptop, a smartphone, and an even smarter phone.
The iPot is like the missing link between monkeys and humans. See for yourselves:
The device is less than a quarter of an inch thick (half the size of the new iPad), and with a few clicks changes into a full functioning, electrically warmed, blanket. Few more clicks, and it can serve for cooking basic food – scrambled eggs, toasted bread. Few more clicks, and it can be used as a cutting board.
But wait, that’s not all!
If you buy the new iPot in the next 24 hours, you will get a second one – completely free!
And that’s not all!
The iPot can work as a phone – few more clicks, and it becomes a rotary phone! The very fact that it misses the touch-tone functions of the current fixed phones immediately raised speculations, that there will be a new version released soon. Apple neither confirmed, nor denied these rumors.
The iPot comes in a box, packed with different gadgets – a laser-sharpened knife, pocket-size fork, and a specially designed by La Dzenga, the ultra-modern Brazilian designer, bag to carry the iPot. The bag, sized 35″ x 24″ x 8″ can fit into the overhead compartment in airplanes, and thus can be used not only to carry the iPot with all extras, but even to have several t-shirts, underwear, and socks in the carry-on luggage of the frequent fliers.
Yes, the iPot is ideal for the frequent traveler! With a few clicks, it turnes into a fully functioning 3-D super-sized movie screen. It is equipped with dolby (R) stereo speakers, active sub-woofer, 7.1 speakers, which are wireless, and yes – they are FCC and TSA-approved, and can be used on board of airplanes.
But that’s not all!
But 2 iPots in the next 15 minutes, and you will have the chance to participate in a special lottery, with a $ 1,000,000* award! Yes, that’s right: $ 1,000,000*.
* The money can be used only towards buying more iPots, or accessories for them.
This offer is valid only in countries, where DEM is used, there is no trade or budget deficit, unemployment is as low as 0.2 %, health insurance is optional. Offer comes only if the customers commit to a 10-year plan with a mobile phone operators, chosen at the discretion of the seller, at a monthly fee not below $ 1500.25. The $ 0.25 should be used to cover 10 minutes parking space for the truck, delivering the iPot. Only one track per delivery, to avoid potential overload. Additionally, the customer is responsible for paying the rental for the crane, window replacement, and additional costs, related to delivering the iPot into the house or apartment of the customer. Due to health regulation, no men are allowed to even try to carry the iPot in its original package, which – in the first public version of the iPot – weighs 2500 pounds, and comes in special package, made by recycled steel from Soviet-made cars.
Use at your own risk. No responsibility whatsoever for Apple, or the author of this story. All trademarks belong to their respected owners. Note the category under which the story is published. The author expresses his regrets to all Apple fans, who might have wanted the iPot after reading the article.