Jihad on Denmark – the original version

I thought about this some weeks ago, but was busy doing the blog due to personal reasons.
Today, however, I saw that Cathy Young from the US have noticed it about two weeks ago. In anycase, it’s a great work (and it saves me the translation from Russian:)

One of the famoust Russian literature characters, Ostap Bender, says in one of the best Russian books from Soviet times, “The Golden Calf” (by Ilya Ilf and Evgeniy Petrov), the following words:

“I’m a dynamite emir!” he shouted, swaying on the camel’s high back.
“If we don’t get some decent food in two days, I’m going to start a rebellion among some tribes. I swear! I am going to apoint myself a representative of the Prophet and declare a holy war — jihad.
Against Denmark, for instance.
Why were the Danes so mean to their Prince Hamlet?
In the current political environment, even the League of Nations will have to find that a satisfactory pretext for war. As God is my witness, I’ll buy a million’s worth of rifles from the British — they love selling weapons to tribesmen — and then, off to Denmark we go!
Germany will have to let us through, by way of reparations. Can you imagine the tribesmen storming into Copenhagen? With me leading the way, riding a white camel?”

The original in Russian is still much better:

Я – эмир-динамит! – кричал он [Остап], покачиваясь на высоком хребте [верблюда]. Если через два дня мы не получим приличной пищи, я взбунтую какие-либо племена. Честное слово! Назначу себя уполномоченным пророка и объявлю священную войну, джихад. Например, Дании. Зачем датчане замучили своего принца Гамлета? При современной политической обстановке даже Лига наций удовлетворится таким поводом к войне. Ей-богу, куплю у англичан винтовок – они любят продавать огнестрельное оружие племенам – и мар??-бросок в Данию. Германия пропустит – в счёт репараций. Представляете себе вторжение племён в Копенгаген? Впереди всех я на белом верблюде. Ах! Паниковского нет! Ему бы датского гуся!..

Another example of such prediction is at Bomarche’s Marriage of Figaro (again in Russian):

“Я состряпал комедию из гаремной жизни. Я полагал, что будучи драматургом испанским, я без зазрения совести могу нападать на Магомета. В ту же секунду некий посланник ( чёрт его знает чей ) приносит жалобу, что я в своих стихах оскорбляю блистательную Порту, Персию, часть ??ндии, весь Египет, также королевства: Барку, Триполи, Тунис, Алжир, Марокко. ?? вот мою комедию сняли в угоду магометанским владыкам , ни один из которых , я уверен , не умеет читать и которые, избивая нас до полусмерти, обыкновенно приговаривают: “Вот вам , христианские собаки !” Ум невозможно унизить, так ему отмщают тем, что гонят его”.

Бомар??е. Безумный день, или Женитьба Фигаро.
Действие пятое. Явление III ( Перевод Н.М . Любимова)// Бомар??е.
??збранные произведения . М.: 1954. С . 454.”

and in English:
Pierre-Augustin Caron de Beaumarchais’ 1784 stage comedy Marriage of Figaro (adapted by Mozart for the great opera), from the famous Freedom of Speech monologue in Act V, Scene 3:
“I cobble together a verse comedy about the customs of the harem, assuming that, as a Spanish writer, I can say what I like about Mohammed without drawing hostile fire. Next thing, some envoy from God knows where turns up and complains that in my play I have offended the Ottoman empire, Persia, a large slice of the Indian peninsula, the whole of Egypt, and the kingdoms of Barca {Ethiopia}, Tripoli, Tunisi, Algeria, and Morocco. And so my play sinks without trace, all to placate a bunch of Muslim princes, not one of whom, as far as I know, can read but who beat the living daylights out of us and say we are ‘Christian dogs.’ Since they can’t stop a man thinking, they take it out on his hide instead…”

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2 Responses to Jihad on Denmark – the original version

  1. word878lik says:

    Hi !
    ?????? ?????????? ??????? ???? ? ?????, ?? ??? ??? ??? ???? ? ???, ??????? ???? ??????!!!

    ? ???????? ?? ??? ??????? ????

  2. hi,first time thanks the commet’s owner. i am murat from Turkey. i want to say
    you you some special things about ottoman. Ottoman was bigger country in th
    world. When tha living ottoman other countriest scared than ottoman. But ottoman
    also just country and really honest king (padisah) and soldiers. Ottoman bring
    many new thing and many clear culture in the world.

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